Even Though It Makes Me Squirm

I tend to be rather self-critical. I also often focus on what I *don’t* yet know, because I always want to learn new things, progress, move forward, and all that. Focusing on my personal growth is my idea of fun.

So today was interesting because I got to observe myself the way others might see me, and was open in a new way to my positive qualities, the things that I am accomplished at and can shine while I’m doing. So I’m going to post about my observations here, even though I feel a bit uncomfortable tooting my own horn. Even though it makes me squirm.

I went to Eastern Maine Pagan Pride Day, which is about three hours away from where I live. This is the second year, and I go to volunteer, and because the people who run it are just so darn cool! I had planned to help staff an information table for two organizations I’m involved with, EarthTides Pagan Network (EPN) and Maine Pagan Clergy Association (MPCA). I didn’t think to suggest doing a workshop, but someone who was going to do a guided meditation workshop had to cancel, so BlackLion and I got asked by the organizers to take over. And I also volunteered, as part of a three-priestess team of folks from MPCA, to co-lead the Harvest Ritual.

So, we arrived and set up our table. Then I was part of a panel discussion for new Pagans, or folks new to the area and the Pagan community here in Maine. I gave my personal story as a lifelong Pagan (though I only really knew it was called that since college, about 20 years ago), and then talked about EPN, of which I’m currently the president. I moved from that to an outdoor “classroom” to do the guided meditation workshop. BlackLion and I both talked about different types of guided meditation, trance, and shamanic journeying. Then I led five people on a guided meditation, while BlackLion drummed the heartbeat for us. We got some good feedback about the class. After that we got set up, and then I co-led the Harvest Ritual with two other experienced priestesses who are also friends of mine. There were about 30 folks there (and a dog). We all shared music, drumming, poetry, and it was a fun and magickal experience.

So I got to thinking about what I have to offer, as a spiritual being in her 40s. I drum and dance, call the directions, move energies, guide folks on journeys, speak coherently about issues other members of this alternative religion face, and share laughter and smiles. Actually, one of my favorite parts of the day was to take the basket of leftover apples, after the ritual, outside to share with the kids enjoying the playground. I love to spread love and joy and my excitement about life and the multiverse. Which, despite all I still have to learn, is really kinda cool. I offer thanks for the person I’ve become, and for the journey I’m on. Blessings!